Thinking in Contrasts
I’ve been thinking more about contrast. Putting an idea beside its complete opposite can make it clearer—what it means, and what it doesn’t.
Sometimes the starting point is what I want; other times, it’s what’s upsetting me. Considering the opposite helps me get clearer about both.
Over time, there have been relationships and conflicts where certain things would get me so triggered, upset, or angry. I was frustrated with the way other people worked and operated when it wasn’t in alignment with how I wanted to work.
One day, I finally decided to write it all down. It took hours. I went through everything that was bothering me, asking, “Why am I so angry?” There were probably ten to fifteen things on the list.
Then, for each one, I asked, “What is the complete opposite of this?”
That part took time, too. I had to think and write my way through it. I wrote it all out, rewrote it, and finally got super clear about what I wanted. At the bottom, I promised myself to start working toward relationships that satisfied the principles I’d written down.
That was life-changing. It greatly simplified how I dealt with people because I got so much clearer about what I wanted. I was able to move forward more quickly, and over time I’ve been able to find more of the relationships I wanted.
Practicing thinking in contrast has also been helpful as I started writing again. I thought about the purpose of each form: journaling to capture life, blogging to explore with others, principles to distill wisdom, newsletters to deepen relationships, and a book to integrate it all.
Thinking in contrast has been helping me develop a writing philosophy and get clearer about what I want my writing to be—and what I don’t.
Here’s an example of how it’s evolving so far, with what I want to lean toward alongside what I want to avoid:
| PRINCIPLE | AVOID |
|---|---|
| Journal to capture life | Journaling to look good |
| Blog to explore | Blogging to prove |
| Newsletter to deepen relationships | Broadcasting |
| Pay attention | Tuning it out |
| Notice the signals | Ignoring the signals |
| Give it time | Rushing conclusions |
| Distill when ready | Forcing principles |
| Stay curious | Being certain |
| Keep exploring | Settling too soon |
| Live the experiment | Chasing the answer |
| Keep becoming | Thinking you've arrived |
| Invite conversation | Defending yourself |
| Explore together | Answering imaginary critics |
| Share one idea | Saying everything |
| Clarify the point | Covering every angle |
| Say enough | Overexplaining |
| Heart first | Polishing first |
| Write to understand | Writing to convince |
| Follow what stays important | Chasing what's new |
| Share your direction | Sharing your coordinates |
| Build a body of work | Obsessing over one post |
| Refine over time | Seeking perfection |
Thinking in contrast clarifies what is wanted and what is not.
In both of these examples, thinking in contrast has been helping me get clearer about what I want and what I don’t want. It’s also been incredibly helpful in business and positioning—getting clear about what our position is and what it isn’t, what we’re doing and what we’re not. Thinking in contrast is a practice I’m continuing to explore.